Pirates of the Caribbean Wednesday-Best Captain Jack Sparrow Quotes

 This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.

 Me? I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly… stupid.

 Will: Where’s Elizabeth?
Jack: She’s safe, just like I promised. She’s all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we’re all men of our word really… except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

 Mr. Gibbs: Curse you for breathin' ya slack-jawed idiot. Mother's love. Jack. You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleepin'. Its bad luck.
Jack Sparrow: Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.

 You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?

A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around!

Pintel: You're supposed to be dead!
Jack Sparrow: Am I not? 

No one. He's no one. Distant cousin of my Aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice. Eunuch.

Jack Sparrow: Elizabeth!
[Turns to Gibbs]
Jack Sparrow: Hide the rum.

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you will have a chance to show it. To do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

Elizabeth Swann: It's real!
Norrington: You actually were telling the truth.
Jack Sparrow: I do that quite a lot. Yet people are always surprised.
Will Turner: With good reason.

My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

Will Turner: This... is going to save Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: How much do you know about Davy Jones?
Will Turner: Not much.
Jack Sparrow: Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth.

Gibbs: So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks.
Jack Sparrow: No. If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever we dont' have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?

Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew.

Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic - terrific soprano. Worth at least four... maybe three and a half. And did I happen to mention... he's in love? With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony, eh?

Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing it again.

Barbossa: [Captain Barbossa and Captain Jack Sparrow are both trying to give orders] What are you doing?
Jack Sparrow: What are you doing?
Barbossa: No, what are you doing?
Jack Sparrow: What are you doing?
Barbossa: No, what are you doing?
Jack Sparrow: What are you doing? Hmm. Captain gives orders on the ship.
Barbossa: The Captain of this ship is giving orders!
Jack Sparrow: [thinking] My ship, makes me captain!
Barbossa: They be my charts!
Jack Sparrow: That makes you Chart-man!
Pintel: Stow it! The both of you! That's an order! Understand!
[They glare at him]
Pintel: Sorry, I just thought that with the Captain issue in doubt I'd just throw in my name for consideration. Sorry.

If you had a sister and a dog, I'd choose the dog.

Norington: You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of.

Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

[Giselle and Scarlett are fighting]
Jack Sparrow: Ladies! Will you please shut it? Listen to me. Yes, I lied to you. No, I don't love you. Of course it makes you look fat. I've never been to Brussels. It is pronounced "egregious". By the way, no, I've never met Pizzaro but I love his pies. And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy?

 Those clothes don't do you at all, it'll be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.

It must've been terrible Jack...must've been terrible-WELL IT BLOODY IS NOW! *sees ship* There will be no living with her after this...

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?

Sorry this was so long guys, but there are just so many! :)